Hi, I'm The Unknown Critic

I like to review things, mostly offbeat things - in funny, funny ways.
You can buy my books on Amazon. You should. You really should.

RELEASED MAY 14, 2025

I got squashed.

Step into Jobberville, Where Wrestling’s Underdogs Reign Supreme!The Unknown Critic’s Enhancement Talent: A Glorious Tribute to Pro Wrestling’s Job Guys and Mic Men is a side-splitting pro wrestling book saluting the unsung heroes of the squared circle. With wit sharper than a suplex, it hilariously profiles over 100 jobbers—like Barry Horowitz, pinned more times than a dartboard—and 30 mic men, like Bobby “The Brain” Heenan, whose promos could torch a steel cage. These spandex warriors aren’t just filler—they’re wrestling’s beating heart.Unearth forgotten tales in "Lapsed Legends" via The Lapsed Fan Podcast’s obsessive digs. Revel in the campy chaos of Tuesday Night Titans, where jobbers basked in Vince McMahon’s smirk. And cheer the rises in From "Squash to Stardom," from The Hardyz to Mick Foley. A must for WrestleCrap and The Wrestling Observer fans, this wrestling humor gem celebrates the job guys and mic men who make every match magic.Grab your foam finger and dive into this jobber book’s glorious chaos!

RELEASED MAY 11, 2025

I skewered Corporate America, again.

Brace for the Corporate Carnage of Flopocalypse Now!The Unknown Critic is back in Flopocalypse Now: Corporate America’s 100 Most Catastrophic Crashes, the snark-fueled sequel to Crash of the Titans. Dive into a hilarious business book exposing even more epic corporate flops that torched billions, from Crystal Pepsi’s fizzy fiasco to the Flowbee’s hair-sucking horror. With razor-sharp wit, this funny nonfiction gem skewers the boardroom blunders behind some of the greatest tech, retail, food, health, and gaming disasters.Uncover the roots of failure in "Whiff of Disaster," dissecting Smell-o-Vision’s stinky demise. Laugh at infomercial insanity in "Pitch Perfect, Profit Perilous," where Billy Mays’ shouts couldn’t save the Turbo Tiger. And mourn tech’s fallen stars in "The Innovation Graveyard," from Google Glasses to the Zune’s tuneless tomb. These essays and 100 flops—think Trump Steaks, Cheetos Lip Balm, and the CueCat—reveal why hubris and hype spell doom.Perfect for fans of business humor, corporate history, and Bad Blood, this corporate failure guide dares you to marvel at capitalism’s napalm-bright crashes.The Flopocalypse is here—grab your front-row seat!

RELEASED MAY 08, 2025

I skewered Corporate America.

Buckle up for a Billion-Dollar Bonfire of Corporate Blunders!The Unknown Critic Presents: Crash of the Titans - Corporate America’s 100 Epic Flops that Burned Billions is your snarky guide to the most jaw-dropping failures in business history. From retail’s graveyard of brands to tech’s overhyped unicorns, energy’s fraudulent fantasies, food’s tasteless trends, and Hollywood’s ego-driven disasters, the Unknown Critic roasts 100 corporate flops with razor-sharp wit and gleeful schadenfreude.Dive into retail’s collapse, tech’s hubris, energy’s scams, fast food fiascos, and beverage company botches, then revel in Hollywood’s misfires, from Quibi’s streaming flop to Disney’s Galactic Starcruiser Hotel—a $6,000 Star Wars nightmare. Meet the CEO Hall of Shame, profiling 20 execs who torched billions, with a special takedown of Bob Iger’s missteps. Plus, discover how YouTubers like Valliant Renegade and Nerdrotic exposed Tinseltown’s tone-deaf flops.This funny business book is a must-read for fans of corporate scandals and pop culture humor. Laugh, cringe, and learn why ego is the ultimate corporate kryptonite!

RELEASED MAY 05, 2025

I went road trippin'.

Hit the Road for America’s Wildest, Weirdest Roadside Attractions!Buckle up for a hilarious journey with 100 Wacky Wonders: The Unknown Critic’s Snarky Sojourn Through America’s Top Roadside Oddities, the ultimate quirky travel guide to the USA’s most bizarre roadside stops. From a 70-foot ketchup bottle to a lizard man sandwich shop, this funny travel book dishes out 100 must-see American oddities with razor-sharp wit and a passion for the gloriously absurd.Explore the quirky history of roadside attractions in "From Dust to Dinosaurs," uncovering how Dust Bowl dreamers and post-war eccentrics turned highways into playgrounds of kitsch. Craving comfort food with a side of snark? "Biscuits, Baubles, and Barnboard" spills the gravy on Cracker Barrel’s rise from Tennessee diner to nostalgia empire. And don’t miss "Beaver Fever," a laugh-out-loud romp through Buc-ee’s, the Texas-sized gas station where brisket sandwiches and beaver-themed onesies reign supreme.Packed with snarky commentary, fun facts, and just enough shade, this roadside attractions guide is your ticket to America’s weirdest wonders. But these 100 oddities are just the start—countless more await your next road trip adventure! Perfect for road trip enthusiasts, armchair travelers, and fans of funny travel books who think “normal” is a four-letter word.

RELEASED APRIL 30, 2025

I went antiquing.

Embark on a thrilling journey through America's antique heartland with Treasures, Trinkets & Triumphs!: The Unknown Critic's Dusty Adventure through America's Top 100 Antique Shops. This captivating guidebook unveils the charm, history, and hidden gems of the nation's premiere antique destinations, meticulously curated by the enigmatic Unknown Critic. From quaint small-town stores to sprawling antique emporiums, discover essential details—including hours, locations, and unique offerings—for 100 must-visit antique hotspots spanning all 50 states.Dive into the soul of antiquing with a vibrant mid-book section reviewing beloved TV shows like American Pickers, Antiques Roadshow, and Flea Market Flip, offering witty insights into their cultural impact. Explore the storied allure of Clinton, Tennessee, celebrated as an antique capital, with a dedicated chapter tracing its rich history and enduring appeal. Plus, don’t miss the Unknown Critic’s poignant essay, "The Musty Majesty and Mothballed Misery of Running an Antique Store," a heartfelt reflection on the joys and challenges of the trade.Perfect for antique enthusiasts, road-trip adventurers, and history buffs alike, this book is your ultimate companion to uncovering America’s vintage treasures. Whether you're chasing rare finds or savoring the nostalgia of bygone eras, Treasures, Trinkets & Triumphs! promises a dusty, delightful adventure you won’t soon forget.

RELEASED APRIL 22, 2025

I remembered the 80's.

Hit Rewind...to the Decade That Mattered!Strap on your fanny pack and fire up the DeLorean, because The Unknown Critic is about to take you on a laugh-out-loud, neon-charged trip through the 1980s—the decade that gave us big hair, bigger dreams, and the audacity to make parachute pants a thing! In this uproarious book, the enigmatic Critic serves up a side-splitting rundown of 100 iconic 80s fads, from Rubik’s Cubes to Hypercolor shirts, with razor-sharp commentary that’s equal parts nostalgia and shade. Were shoulder pads a power move or a fashion felony? Did anyone actually master the Moonwalk? And why did we all agree that a talking car was peak cool?But this ain’t just a list. Kick things off with a gut-busting intro that unpacks why the 80s were the cultural Big Bang behind everything from tech revolutions to Trump’s larger-than-life persona. Then, dive into a mid-book showdown of the decade’s most unforgettable TV series, from Miami Vice's pastel swagger to ALF’s furry existential crisis. Packed with witty reviews, absurd anecdotes, and enough 80s vibes to make your Walkman skip, this book is a glitter-soaked love letter to a time when excess was the mood and every fad felt like a revolution.Perfect for 80s kids, pop culture junkies, and anyone who’s ever rocked a mullet (or laughed at one), The Unknown Critic’s Totally Rad List is your ticket to relive the decade that never stopped being rad. Grab it now, crank up the synth-pop, and let’s party like it’s 1989!

RELEASED APRIL 19, 2025

I looked for monsters.

When Comedy Meets Cryptozoology!Get ready for a hilariously wild ride through America’s strangest corners with Cryptid Chaos: The Unknown Critic’s 100 Wildest Monster Sightings in America! The snarky Unknown Critic unearths a century of jaw-dropping cryptid encounters, from Bigfoot’s 1967 Patterson-Gimlin cameo in California to the Mothman’s ominous 1966 flight over West Virginia. This book is a must-have for folklore fanatics, cryptozoology buffs, and anyone who loves a good mystery with a side of laughter. Dive into 100 of the most outrageous sightings—think Jersey Devils, Chupacabras, and Loveland Frogmen—each packed with history, local lore, and the Critic’s blistering commentary.The journey begins with an introduction exploring why cryptids are the beating heart of small-town America, from Point Pleasant’s Mothman festivals to Churubusco’s Turtle Days. A mid-book section skewers the best (and worst) cryptid-inspired TV shows and movies, from The X-Files to Mountain Monsters, revealing how these creatures became pop culture legends. Whether you’re a believer in the unknown, a skeptic who loves a good story, or just here for the Unknown Critic’s razor-sharp wit, Cryptid Chaos delivers a thrilling blend of history, humor, and the unexplained. Grab your copy and discover what’s really lurking in the woods—because America’s monsters are waiting to be found!

RELEASED APRIL 15, 2025

I stepped into the ring.

Buckle up, wrestling fans, for a riotous romp through the spandex-soaked insanity of pro wrestling’s most unforgettable—and gloriously absurd—gimmicks! In Slamtastic Stupidity, the Unknown Critic delivers a no-holds-barred, laugh-out-loud dissertation on the 100 wildest characters to ever grace the squared circle, from repo men to evil dentists to disco-dancing disasters. Tailored for diehard fans of the 1980s and 1990s wrestling boom, this book is a nostalgic love letter to the era when larger-than-life lunacy ruled the ring.With razor-sharp wit, the Unknown Critic dissects each gimmick’s origins, highlights their most ridiculous moments, and answers the burning question: What were they thinking? From the head-scratching to the downright iconic, no stone is left unturned—whether it’s a voodoo priest swinging a bone or a taxman auditing his opponents. A special mid-book section slams into high gear with uproarious reviews of infamous gimmick matches, where the stakes were as bizarre as the competitors themselves (think cages, coffins, and way too many farm animals).Perfect for anyone who grew up chanting for their heroes on Saturday mornings or sneaking late-night pay-per-views, Slamtastic Stupidity is your ticket to relive the chaos, cringe, and pure joy of wrestling’s golden age. Grab a folding chair, pop some popcorn, and dive into this irreverent tribute to the sport’s most delightfully dumb ideas—because in wrestling, stupidity is slam-tastic!

RELEASED APRIL 14, 2025

I goofed on failed reality TV shows.

Lights, Camera...Catastrophe!Crash and burn with the best of them! Join the Unknown Critic in Flops, Fiascos, and Faux Pas! for a laugh-out-loud countdown of the 100 most jaw-dropping reality TV disasters from 2000 to 2023. From runaway brides to catastrophic challenges—some so bad they never aired—these biting synopses expose the glorious chaos of shows that missed the mark but won our guilty-pleasure hearts. Halfway through, "Behind the Curtain of Chaos" delivers a hilarious essay on how the wild early 2000s birthed reality TV’s golden age of absurdity. Perfect for fans of snarky pop culture takedowns and anyone who loves to revel in television’s epic faceplants. Tune in for a riotous ride through reality’s hall of shame!

RELEASED APRIL 11, 2025

I ate donuts, a lot of them.

Ready, Set...Dough! Embark on the Ultimate Culinary Road Trip Honoring America's Favorite Food!Ladies and gentlemen, step right up to the funniest, flakiest, most frosting-covered journey through America’s donut scene! I’m The Unknown Critic, and I’ve eaten my way through 100 local and small-chain donut shops so you don’t have to—though, let’s be honest, you’ll want to after reading this. From powdery classics to wacky creations like Unicorn Farts and the Fat Elvis, I’ve got the scoop on what makes each shop a glazed legend, their standout donuts, and where to find them (addresses and hours included, because who has time to hunt for sugar?).But wait, there’s more! Buckle up for a mid-book dissertation so hilarious it’ll make you spit out your coffee—er, donut holes—on what it really takes to open your own shop. Spoiler: It involves more money, grease, and existential dread than you’d expect. Perfect for foodies, comedy lovers, and anyone who believes life’s too short for bad donuts. Grab this book, and let’s get our glaze on!

RELEASED APRIL 9, 2025

I re-watched 150 movies.

Lights, Camera, Laughter!Join The Unknown Critic on a side-splitting journey through The Popcorn Bucket List: 150 Movies to Watch Before You Die. This isn’t your average movie guide—each page delivers a laugh-out-loud synopsis of a must-see film, from timeless classics to hidden gems, paired with a quirky factoid that’ll make you the star of any trivia night. Packed with details like runtime, release year, rating, director, stars, genre, and Oscar wins, this book is a cinephile’s dream with a comedic twist. Whether you’re a movie buff, a comedy fan, or just looking for your next film night pick, you’ll love the witty takes and insider tidbits. Plus, there’s space in the back to add your own movie picks to the list! Grab your popcorn and dive into this ultimate bucket list of cinematic hilarity—your funny bone and watchlist will thank you.Makes a great gift for film enthusiasts, comedy lovers, pop culture buffs and it's a great conversation starter at parties or movie nights! It will fit nicely on that bookshelf or entertainment center, so don't hesitate - grab yours now!

the paper bag wearing mystery man

About the Critic

The Unknown Critic’s Countdown Chronicles
Ever wondered what a paper-bag-wearing, wisecracking reviewer thinks are the best things in life? Meet The Unknown Critic, your hilariously mysterious guide to the ultimate countdowns of everything worth loving! In this laugh-out-loud book series, The Unknown Critic—known for his iconic brown bag mask and razor-sharp wit—ranks his all-time favorites, from the juiciest movies to the sweetest donuts, and practically anything under the sun. Each book is a riotous journey through the Critic’s top picks, combining information-packed comedy countdowns with snarky reviews, absurd anecdotes, and quirky insights that’ll have you chuckling and nodding in agreement (or shaking your head in disbelief). Whether raving about a cinematic masterpiece, drooling over a glazed donut, roasting Hollywood flops, or debating the best roadside attractions, The Unknown Critic delivers lists you didn’t know you needed—until now. Perfect for fans of comedy, pop culture, and offbeat adventures, this series proves that the best things in life come with a side of laughter and a paper bag full of personality!